how I’m learning to let alcohol go when wait but I love drinking and I don’t even drink that much and it’s not even a big deal and will everyone stop talking about how they quit drinking
Erin this is so good. I'll go back and read it a few times. I'm feeling a real pull to sobriety in all areas of my life. Asking myself... are behaviors that diminish the quality of my spirit/ consciousness worth doing? Definitely not. But they're woven into our whole society, so it's hard to unwind. I know a lot of people in AA and I watch that program enhance their life not just b/c they give up drinking, but because they get to sit around being radically honest with themselves + witnessed while they do it. I think about making circles for folks to talk about what it means to become sober at every level: not just w/ drugs and alcohol but emotionally, digitally, etc. Clarity feels so good, but we need a support system b/c the rest of our culture pushes hard against it.
it's soooo hard to unwind. that's why I wanted to include that part of what really helped is my family stepping back from alcohol, too. it helped shift my self-concept and my culture-concept (idk if that's a thing). I love your idea about creating circles to talk about getting sober at every level! very cool and very in line with your last piece, which I loved.
yes it's so hard to be a tender person trying to hold her own when everything else is toxic. the social systems we live in mean everything. writing like this goes a long way in shoring me up.
I totally get the need to unwind your brain. For me now, that's what TV is. Congrats on a tremendous essay, Erin, giving others a great guide, and making your life better,
I’ve also been thinking about quitting alcohol. I don’t drink much, roughly between 0-5 drinks a week depending. But I feel all the same symptoms you mentioned and always regret having more than 1. But as you mentioned, that one is the gateway! Thanks for sharing your experience.
ugh, yes! one is the gateway to another one, or another day of having one, always and forever. so glad this felt relatable to you; even six months without drinking, it's helpful to know other people are in a similar position and considering similar choices <3
still wrestling with it... I know I've felt better recently when I've stopped drinking for days at a time. And yes, like so many, I am not a heavy drinker. unfortunately in my
"social circles" there's a lot of enjoying summer cocktails, etc. tx for posting this again!
Good things happen in us and society when we share personal stories. Though sometimes our stories get a mixed reception at the time. Thank you, Erin, for this one. For your vulnerable courage. I was bemused to read you had some unsubscribes after it. We need stories, whether those stories are mirrors or portals.
I quit drinking in 2021 and perhaps my biggest discovery was realizing how sensitive my nervous system actually is. The realizations you note about your use of it as it relates to dopamine and your ADHD feels familiar to me.
All along, I thought I was drinking to belong - the liquid social equalizer. Turns out I was drinking to quiet down the noise in my brain.
Becoming intimate with that side of myself has become the biggest surprise of sobriety.
"Turns out I was drinking to quiet down the noise in my brain." I really feel this and the part about realizing how sensitive your nervous system is. everything about me feels incredibly sensitive, I am sensitive to lights, to loud talking, to alarms, to food... the list goes on and on. your comment is making me realize that maybe I was drinking to quiet down the noise in my brain, too, but also the noise and sensitivity in my body. thank you for sharing, allison! I am making new connections from your comment and I really appreciate it!
Yeah, I felt like every nerve was exposed when I first stopped drinking. Somedays, I still feel it like that, but the difference is I can remind myself that I know what I need. maybe I just need a walk. Maybe I just need to lie down or go home -leave the party!! Oh that's my favorite one now ;-) The permission to opt out.
This is awesome Erin! So many of the things that helped you quit could have been lifted right from the pages of my own journal. Like you, I've found a great deal of relief at no longer drinking and knowing that I'm not wrecking my health the same way. Over time the biggest challenge for me has been when I really want to step out of my own head, especially if I'm really tired, but now have to bear witness to what's going on in there (and sometimes it ain't pretty🤣)
So good and so much of this resonated with my own experience. Getting a later-in-life diagnosis of ADHD helped me understand some of the reasons behind my troubled relationship with alcohol, as did really confronting some of my family’s histories with drinking. I just celebrated five years sober. Thanks for this (additionally: your publication name is brilliant)
Erin, how did I miss this! So good, so revealing. And that list of what you tried… yes! There’s definitely something in the air; I’ve been drinking one NA beer in the evening (instead of a glass, or two, of wine) and realizing that I feel so much better *during* the evening. I’ve never liked the buzz or fuzzy drunk feeling (nor waking at 2 AM if I’ve drunk too much); I just get very sleepy. My challenge is how to go further with this new routine when my husband is still drinking. Not every night and a LOT less than before (he also likes Athletic NA beer) but he hasn’t given it up. It’s very hard to have a decent conversation with him about “not drinking at all.” Question, if this is not too intrusive, is your boyfriend still drinking? NOT WANTING to drink when one’s partner feels differently is a particular challenge. P.S. Forgot to mention the obvious; alcohol affects my 73yo body very differently than it used to. Maybe this is a topic to pursue… old age and alcohol!
My boyfriend still drinks, although much less than before! Mostly because he wants to be supportive and helpful to me, but I also know that he realized on his own that he tends to feel better not drinking, so it's become easier for him to cut back. While I never asked him to cut back or stop, I did, at one point, ask outright for help not drinking, which I think helped him take it seriously. I just asked him to help keep me accountable and be there for me in those moments I really wanted to drink, reminding me that it will pass. He'll still have the occasional beer or two at home or when we go out with friends, and makes sure I'm set up with whatever drink I prefer (a kombucha, flavored seltzer, prebiotic soda, etc.) so I don't feel too left out. If he was a more regular drinker, I know with 100% certainty it would've made my time finally quitting much more difficult.
Well done! The first few months away from alcohol are weird, especially if you don't feel that you have a 'problem' because it's always hard to remember why you're doing it. When the stress builds up, or you want a little celebration. It's not such a big deal, is it??
I stopped nearly two years ago, after one drunken escapade too many and it has gotten easier and easier. I really related to this bit - 'I used to love drinking because it allowed my rigid lil neurodivergent brain to finally ease up. Like, ease up enough that even I felt more comfortable being around me. I loved drinking because it slowed my always-racing, always-overlapping thoughts and sent my words flying—finally, the freedom to just come out with it'. I was the same, and I've found I do miss that release but it's always just a temporary relief and often the brain is more rigid, and more anxious the next day. Not drinking has actually made me confront my social anxiety. I used to just cover it up with alcohol and now I've had to face it and realise actually if I just sit in it, it passes and I can be around people, and do fun stuff, be funny and BE LIKED, even without the social lubricant of a couple of glasses of wine. xx
I love everything you wrote so much I don't even know where to start! it is funny you mention social anxiety. I don't think I am any less awkward and anxious when i'm drinking than when i'm sober, i've found, which is humorous to me. except now when i'm being weird in a group of people, I cringe a little less afterward, knowing that, welp, at least that was 100% the authentic, sober, strange version of my self and nothing more/nothing less. and like you said, somehow some people still find me funny and likable! which feels so much better knowing that it's me they like, not some buzzed version of me.
First of all I love how you referenced the growing attraction of going NA now in comparison to veganism 10 years ago. That does feel pretty spot on and made me giggle. But also what a healthy and dare I say productive thing to be on “trend”!? Alcoholism in the family and bearing direct witness to it has always been a big factor in my relationship to alcohol and my boundaries surrounding it. Also my dopamine hits largely surround being in control (because I love that shit). Being the foodie that I am, I do *love* a good wine pairing, and will indulge in such things from time to time. But the ominous nature of the addictive quality of this substance; it’s grossly underestimated in our society and always has been. Taking back personal autonomy in any sense: physically, mentally, socially etc, will always be a win in my book. Happy to share a delicious mocktail or Shirley temple with you sometime, if interested ;)
I love this Erin! I've been sober for over 13 years. I had to do it because I was a hopeless porch drunk. One thing I learned from sobriety and there are many many things, was that quitting drinking was easier than I thought it would be and harder than it had to be.
I have a very liberal approach to sobriety and AA, fake till you make it and whatever works, works. Too many times, I've heard old timers say AA is the only way or total abstinence is the only way and I say bullshit! Just doing what feels right is the only way.
What you wrote seems to me a very personalized path to success and I'm cheering for you.
On a personal note, my wife and I got sober at the same time. For most alcoholic couples this means they find out how much they don't like each other and split up, but we got lucky and fell more in love with each other, after the withdrawals of course.
The funny thing is, our biggest fear when we got sober was worrying about what we were going to do with all this free time. Turns out we could have a lot more fun than we'd been having for years and we had more money to do the fun stuff.
first, thank you for becoming a paid subscriber, chris! I am so flattered and SO appreciative! also, "hopeless porch drunk" is such a great phrase. I think I know what you mean about getting sober being harder and easier than you'd expected. I feel very fortunate that my partner hardly drinks, otherwise it would be far more difficult for me. I love that you and your wife fell more in love with one another after getting sober <3 so beautiful.
I love this so much, Erin. One of many, many things that resonated was how you describe the relief of not drinking. The sweetness of such relief was maybe the main thing that kept me going that first month or three. ❤️
yes, so much relief! I wonder how abstaining will feel once the relief wears off and starts to feel normal... I am nervous, admittedly, but also curious. maybe there will be new revelations that keep me on track.
I'm realizing now that reading this before my work day was a mistake, the truth and vulnerability and relatability have me wanting to cry but this bitch has to go serve people coffee now and nobody wants barista tears in their drinks. But I should have known where this would lead, it's in the literal title of the subtrack. Thanks for sharing your journey with sobriety and being a fantastic human. 🩷
Erin this is so good. I'll go back and read it a few times. I'm feeling a real pull to sobriety in all areas of my life. Asking myself... are behaviors that diminish the quality of my spirit/ consciousness worth doing? Definitely not. But they're woven into our whole society, so it's hard to unwind. I know a lot of people in AA and I watch that program enhance their life not just b/c they give up drinking, but because they get to sit around being radically honest with themselves + witnessed while they do it. I think about making circles for folks to talk about what it means to become sober at every level: not just w/ drugs and alcohol but emotionally, digitally, etc. Clarity feels so good, but we need a support system b/c the rest of our culture pushes hard against it.
it's soooo hard to unwind. that's why I wanted to include that part of what really helped is my family stepping back from alcohol, too. it helped shift my self-concept and my culture-concept (idk if that's a thing). I love your idea about creating circles to talk about getting sober at every level! very cool and very in line with your last piece, which I loved.
yes it's so hard to be a tender person trying to hold her own when everything else is toxic. the social systems we live in mean everything. writing like this goes a long way in shoring me up.
I totally get the need to unwind your brain. For me now, that's what TV is. Congrats on a tremendous essay, Erin, giving others a great guide, and making your life better,
I’ve also been thinking about quitting alcohol. I don’t drink much, roughly between 0-5 drinks a week depending. But I feel all the same symptoms you mentioned and always regret having more than 1. But as you mentioned, that one is the gateway! Thanks for sharing your experience.
ugh, yes! one is the gateway to another one, or another day of having one, always and forever. so glad this felt relatable to you; even six months without drinking, it's helpful to know other people are in a similar position and considering similar choices <3
still wrestling with it... I know I've felt better recently when I've stopped drinking for days at a time. And yes, like so many, I am not a heavy drinker. unfortunately in my
"social circles" there's a lot of enjoying summer cocktails, etc. tx for posting this again!
Good things happen in us and society when we share personal stories. Though sometimes our stories get a mixed reception at the time. Thank you, Erin, for this one. For your vulnerable courage. I was bemused to read you had some unsubscribes after it. We need stories, whether those stories are mirrors or portals.
I quit drinking in 2021 and perhaps my biggest discovery was realizing how sensitive my nervous system actually is. The realizations you note about your use of it as it relates to dopamine and your ADHD feels familiar to me.
All along, I thought I was drinking to belong - the liquid social equalizer. Turns out I was drinking to quiet down the noise in my brain.
Becoming intimate with that side of myself has become the biggest surprise of sobriety.
This was great, Erin. 🫶
"Turns out I was drinking to quiet down the noise in my brain." I really feel this and the part about realizing how sensitive your nervous system is. everything about me feels incredibly sensitive, I am sensitive to lights, to loud talking, to alarms, to food... the list goes on and on. your comment is making me realize that maybe I was drinking to quiet down the noise in my brain, too, but also the noise and sensitivity in my body. thank you for sharing, allison! I am making new connections from your comment and I really appreciate it!
Yeah, I felt like every nerve was exposed when I first stopped drinking. Somedays, I still feel it like that, but the difference is I can remind myself that I know what I need. maybe I just need a walk. Maybe I just need to lie down or go home -leave the party!! Oh that's my favorite one now ;-) The permission to opt out.
absolutely! love opting out.
this was lovely thank you!!
This is awesome Erin! So many of the things that helped you quit could have been lifted right from the pages of my own journal. Like you, I've found a great deal of relief at no longer drinking and knowing that I'm not wrecking my health the same way. Over time the biggest challenge for me has been when I really want to step out of my own head, especially if I'm really tired, but now have to bear witness to what's going on in there (and sometimes it ain't pretty🤣)
So good and so much of this resonated with my own experience. Getting a later-in-life diagnosis of ADHD helped me understand some of the reasons behind my troubled relationship with alcohol, as did really confronting some of my family’s histories with drinking. I just celebrated five years sober. Thanks for this (additionally: your publication name is brilliant)
shoot I’m late in responding but thank you so much for this comment, Rebecca! I really relate to what you said and I’m proud of our progress 🖤
Erin, how did I miss this! So good, so revealing. And that list of what you tried… yes! There’s definitely something in the air; I’ve been drinking one NA beer in the evening (instead of a glass, or two, of wine) and realizing that I feel so much better *during* the evening. I’ve never liked the buzz or fuzzy drunk feeling (nor waking at 2 AM if I’ve drunk too much); I just get very sleepy. My challenge is how to go further with this new routine when my husband is still drinking. Not every night and a LOT less than before (he also likes Athletic NA beer) but he hasn’t given it up. It’s very hard to have a decent conversation with him about “not drinking at all.” Question, if this is not too intrusive, is your boyfriend still drinking? NOT WANTING to drink when one’s partner feels differently is a particular challenge. P.S. Forgot to mention the obvious; alcohol affects my 73yo body very differently than it used to. Maybe this is a topic to pursue… old age and alcohol!
My boyfriend still drinks, although much less than before! Mostly because he wants to be supportive and helpful to me, but I also know that he realized on his own that he tends to feel better not drinking, so it's become easier for him to cut back. While I never asked him to cut back or stop, I did, at one point, ask outright for help not drinking, which I think helped him take it seriously. I just asked him to help keep me accountable and be there for me in those moments I really wanted to drink, reminding me that it will pass. He'll still have the occasional beer or two at home or when we go out with friends, and makes sure I'm set up with whatever drink I prefer (a kombucha, flavored seltzer, prebiotic soda, etc.) so I don't feel too left out. If he was a more regular drinker, I know with 100% certainty it would've made my time finally quitting much more difficult.
Well done! The first few months away from alcohol are weird, especially if you don't feel that you have a 'problem' because it's always hard to remember why you're doing it. When the stress builds up, or you want a little celebration. It's not such a big deal, is it??
I stopped nearly two years ago, after one drunken escapade too many and it has gotten easier and easier. I really related to this bit - 'I used to love drinking because it allowed my rigid lil neurodivergent brain to finally ease up. Like, ease up enough that even I felt more comfortable being around me. I loved drinking because it slowed my always-racing, always-overlapping thoughts and sent my words flying—finally, the freedom to just come out with it'. I was the same, and I've found I do miss that release but it's always just a temporary relief and often the brain is more rigid, and more anxious the next day. Not drinking has actually made me confront my social anxiety. I used to just cover it up with alcohol and now I've had to face it and realise actually if I just sit in it, it passes and I can be around people, and do fun stuff, be funny and BE LIKED, even without the social lubricant of a couple of glasses of wine. xx
I love everything you wrote so much I don't even know where to start! it is funny you mention social anxiety. I don't think I am any less awkward and anxious when i'm drinking than when i'm sober, i've found, which is humorous to me. except now when i'm being weird in a group of people, I cringe a little less afterward, knowing that, welp, at least that was 100% the authentic, sober, strange version of my self and nothing more/nothing less. and like you said, somehow some people still find me funny and likable! which feels so much better knowing that it's me they like, not some buzzed version of me.
So well done!! Exactly what I needed to read at this moment in my life.
so cool! I love when that happens <3
Powerful, Erin! Powerful Erin! So freakin happy for you. That last line rings like a bell.
means so much coming from you, thank you priscilla!
First of all I love how you referenced the growing attraction of going NA now in comparison to veganism 10 years ago. That does feel pretty spot on and made me giggle. But also what a healthy and dare I say productive thing to be on “trend”!? Alcoholism in the family and bearing direct witness to it has always been a big factor in my relationship to alcohol and my boundaries surrounding it. Also my dopamine hits largely surround being in control (because I love that shit). Being the foodie that I am, I do *love* a good wine pairing, and will indulge in such things from time to time. But the ominous nature of the addictive quality of this substance; it’s grossly underestimated in our society and always has been. Taking back personal autonomy in any sense: physically, mentally, socially etc, will always be a win in my book. Happy to share a delicious mocktail or Shirley temple with you sometime, if interested ;)
Thanks for sharing your journey! I have taken a similar path and it's so refreshing to read your perspective and process.
Oh, and that last line. Poetry!
I love this Erin! I've been sober for over 13 years. I had to do it because I was a hopeless porch drunk. One thing I learned from sobriety and there are many many things, was that quitting drinking was easier than I thought it would be and harder than it had to be.
I have a very liberal approach to sobriety and AA, fake till you make it and whatever works, works. Too many times, I've heard old timers say AA is the only way or total abstinence is the only way and I say bullshit! Just doing what feels right is the only way.
What you wrote seems to me a very personalized path to success and I'm cheering for you.
On a personal note, my wife and I got sober at the same time. For most alcoholic couples this means they find out how much they don't like each other and split up, but we got lucky and fell more in love with each other, after the withdrawals of course.
The funny thing is, our biggest fear when we got sober was worrying about what we were going to do with all this free time. Turns out we could have a lot more fun than we'd been having for years and we had more money to do the fun stuff.
Erin, You Rock!
first, thank you for becoming a paid subscriber, chris! I am so flattered and SO appreciative! also, "hopeless porch drunk" is such a great phrase. I think I know what you mean about getting sober being harder and easier than you'd expected. I feel very fortunate that my partner hardly drinks, otherwise it would be far more difficult for me. I love that you and your wife fell more in love with one another after getting sober <3 so beautiful.
I love this so much, Erin. One of many, many things that resonated was how you describe the relief of not drinking. The sweetness of such relief was maybe the main thing that kept me going that first month or three. ❤️
yes, so much relief! I wonder how abstaining will feel once the relief wears off and starts to feel normal... I am nervous, admittedly, but also curious. maybe there will be new revelations that keep me on track.
I'm realizing now that reading this before my work day was a mistake, the truth and vulnerability and relatability have me wanting to cry but this bitch has to go serve people coffee now and nobody wants barista tears in their drinks. But I should have known where this would lead, it's in the literal title of the subtrack. Thanks for sharing your journey with sobriety and being a fantastic human. 🩷
you got this, bitch!! wishing you a lovely day slangin coffee and bein cute <3