Re: #1 - If you only knew how many times during the week I think: Erin is the needle in the haystack I didn’t even know existed, so I definitely didn’t know to look for her. I can’t imagine working with another editor and Substack strategist, because so much of your work is intuitive, responsive, deeply personal, and deeply HUMAN. I don’t even know how to properly describe what you do, because it’s nothing like what I see peddled by snake oil salesmen (or available via ChatGPT).
Re: What’s scaring me - I’m scared almost all of the time, actually. Of so many things, but at the top of the list: losing every single person I love and care about to death; illness and aging - both my own and my loved ones’; losing all my freelance writing and editing work to ChatGPT; being unemployable at 50; not having a retirement fund at age 50; eventually needing to figure out how to provide for both myself and my partner, who’s 13 yrs older. Oh, and there might be a practically microscopic shard of glass in my foot since last week that is definitely going to migrate to my heart or brain (but only at 3 a.m., when I remember to think about it).
Btw, I avoid lifting weights and seem to be doing just fine with (rather intense) bodyweight exercises as part of my yoga practice.
oh dana your comment made me cry, especially your list. thank you for everything you said and shared here, what a gift. I really, really feel you. there's something about working for ourselves that comes with this nagging feeling that it could all go away. at any moment, the work could dry up, and then what are we left with? but we are skilled and resourceful, and we'll keep finding our way <3 thank you for everything, this comment made my night.
I’m no help on a lot of this but on the bangs/fringe, my answer is Bumble and Bumble curl conditioner. Not the styling crème, but the conditioner itself. I use it as a leave in conditioner/styling product. It helps to defrizz and hold the shape of the curl, without feeling crunchy or weird. My partner's hairdresser has also recommended Authentic Beauty's curl products (in the baby blue packaging), which I also like.
Even in the apocalypse, our curls can look good! 💕
What's making me feel good is the "strange invisible perfume" of spring that floats in the air here in my corner of Tokyo. It seems to put feelings of fear to sleep.
Erin you are the most delightful tender bold soul out there. You are amazing. As you know – I am scared of sharing my writing but you give me courage!!!!!
Fellow sub-stacker Frank Tarczynski has put out a post called Model Sentences. The post on 03/31 reviewing sentences by Gabriel Garcia Marquez helped me come up with the sentence below.
"Fear is often the first step of courage."
We can't be courageous without fear. We can't go beyond ourselves without risking it all. Just doesn't work.
I jumped out of an airplane once, it was one of my most terrifying experiences, made worse by the type of plane used. It was a little Cessna. I had to climb out onto a little step above the wheel, hanging on to the brace holding up the wing, let my feet dangle over 5,000 feet of empty space, then let go.
The life lesson I learned was that at some point, I just have to let go and see what happens, hopefully I won't die or even worse experience pain.
I know this is not helpful at all and I feel cruel for even typing this, but I bawled my eyes out at the last episode of Dying for Sex... It's one of those shows I wish I could watch for the first time all over again 😭
As for me, I'm mostly scared of not knowing where I'm going to live after June. I'm scared if I go back to Canada after almost 9 years away I'll just end up a depressed sack of meat. I'm also scared if I don't go home my family is going to die before I truly get to know them and allow them to know me as I am today. I'm scared for my dog to be in cargo for the whole journey back to Canada if I do go and it makes me feel shitty for even considering it, but what other option do I have? because there's no way I'd leave her behind. I'm scared to let go of my life in Thailand because it's the longest I've ever stayed somewhere in my adult life and who even am I anywhere else? Gah, apparently that opened up some portal to all my current fears so thank you and f-you at the same time 🤣
I DID IT I watched the last episode and oh my gooddddd I cried and cried the entire episode. it was incredible. what a show. wow.
you are on the precipice of something really big, and I don't blame you for being scared. after moving across the country from my family in my mid-20s, I have been putting off moving back for years now. I feel pulled to do it, but incredibly scared to do it, too, both for the reasons you named. sometimes when I am gearing up to make a huge life decision and i'm full of fear, I ask myself which option most opens me most to growth. idk if that's helpful at all, but I have a feeling you'll find the right questions to guide you.
Thank you for what you said about my situation, Erin. I appreciate your perspective and sharing your own experience with moving away from home. It's such a strange feeling. I like the part about asking "which option most opens me to growth." I'm going to sit with that one.
Everyone has fears... it's part of being human. I know you know that.
Forgive me but I laughed when I read your comment about the mismatch between how you see yourself in your head and how you appear in the mirror. I laughed because I write about aging in my newsletter going out May 1st, and part of it has to do with the disconnect between me in my head and me in the mirror. Only in my case, I'm turning 65 on May 5th, and I'm telling you, shit is getting real.
In my *mind* I'm still 42, which probably sounds old to you. But from my vantage point it's the perfect age (or was, I guess) where I was still young but less fucked up than in younger years. I think of myself as 42, and when I look in the mirror it's a rude shock.
Yes, 42 is young. And you're even younger. So just know that you're as young as you'll ever be, and you're beautiful.
BA! I'm so tickled that I made you laugh. the disconnect is real! I think so many of us are dealing with that "rude shock" (that made me laugh) no matter the phase of life. it's truly wild. something I like to think about is how when people experience us, they're not just looking at a still image of us or how we look posed in the mirror. they're experiencing our whole being in space, the way our hands move when we talk, the shine in our eyes, the sound of our laugh, the ease in our shoulders, the energy we exude. it feels like a nice reminder that the way we look is such a small part of who we are :)
That's very true... I think about that too. Lately I've been freaking out about my neck (among other things... I mean, my face is basically melting off my skull). I was at exercise with a bunch of women: some my age, some older. I looked at each of them in turn and specifically at their necks, haha. They all had shit going on with their necks, but I had to admit that I had NEVER NOTICED. Because as you say, people are animated and when you're talking to them, you're not thinking about their quote-unquote imperfections. I hadn't thought about that with any of them at all.
Let me tell you, you probably will hate lifting weights but do it anyway. I started last year, when I was 46 & having my third midlife crisis. I do it three times a week & whinge every single time. I always say “I’m going to do my stupid workout” to whatever family member is around just so they know I hate it but do it anyway because it’s good for older me. Sometimes we have to do things we are scared of so our future selves don’t have to be scared.
I am scared I am a bad parent because I have no patience & frequently get frustrated by my neurodiverse children even though I know they can’t be any other way. You’d think after 4 kids & 25 years of parenting I’d know what I’m doing & not be scared any more but I don’t & I am.
I’m scared I’ll never really like or accept my body. It’s tiring wishing something was different.
so true about doing things for our future selves, even when they kinda suck! i'm curious if you feel like there are any benefits for your present self?
thank you so much for sharing your fears, it makes me feel so much less alone. I am honestly blown away that people would be so honest here. I just want to say that it's okay to be impatient. it doesn't make you a bad person or bad parent. this is a quality many, many people have, especially parents! there is so much data that the repair is more important than getting it right all the time, and i'm sure your kids know you love them. and wishing something was different, especially our bodies... it's so fucking tiring. i'm with you.
Lifting weights—I’m glad you asked, because I wanted to tell you what’s working so well for me but didn’t want to offer unasked for advice! Casey Johnston’s Liftoff program (from an ebook you can purchase from your website). What I love about it is it’s pretty minimalist. Like the minimal amount of lifting you need for effective progressive lift training. 3 days a week, 30 minutes max, and after her 12 week program I’ve noticed a massive difference in my strength and stamina in every day life. I was very deconditioned this winter from so much sickness (and parenting pressure/stress, and being older than I used to be) and just going for walks felt exhausting. A minimal weightlifting routine gradually added to my energy bank without exhausting me, which is exactly what I was looking for.
i've heard wonderful things about the liftoff program! what is most exciting about what you said is that you've been able to restore your energy bank without exhausting yourself - this is deeply appealing to me and increasingly feels like something worth trying, especially as I explore ways of being less fatigued. thank you a million times for sharing your experience, and never hesitate to do so, even if I haven't specifically asked! I love hearing from you.
Interesting post. I think I'll have to make my own list. I must say, the list changes each decade in a freeing sort of way. Your No. 1 is nonsense, 10 and 13 made me laugh and 12 isn't going to happen! 💕
I am scared of mildly inconveniencing another human being by simply existing as myself. And of the people I love dying. And that landing a full time job after two years of applying will trade my mental well being for the prospects of financial stability and health insurance but leave me desiring more for my life.
What's making me lift weights is knowing if I don't, I may never get back to competitive running in a full and healthy way, and then I'll never get to find out how fast I can be while I'm in my prime, and living with that regret for the rest of my life.
Re: #1 - If you only knew how many times during the week I think: Erin is the needle in the haystack I didn’t even know existed, so I definitely didn’t know to look for her. I can’t imagine working with another editor and Substack strategist, because so much of your work is intuitive, responsive, deeply personal, and deeply HUMAN. I don’t even know how to properly describe what you do, because it’s nothing like what I see peddled by snake oil salesmen (or available via ChatGPT).
Re: What’s scaring me - I’m scared almost all of the time, actually. Of so many things, but at the top of the list: losing every single person I love and care about to death; illness and aging - both my own and my loved ones’; losing all my freelance writing and editing work to ChatGPT; being unemployable at 50; not having a retirement fund at age 50; eventually needing to figure out how to provide for both myself and my partner, who’s 13 yrs older. Oh, and there might be a practically microscopic shard of glass in my foot since last week that is definitely going to migrate to my heart or brain (but only at 3 a.m., when I remember to think about it).
Btw, I avoid lifting weights and seem to be doing just fine with (rather intense) bodyweight exercises as part of my yoga practice.
oh dana your comment made me cry, especially your list. thank you for everything you said and shared here, what a gift. I really, really feel you. there's something about working for ourselves that comes with this nagging feeling that it could all go away. at any moment, the work could dry up, and then what are we left with? but we are skilled and resourceful, and we'll keep finding our way <3 thank you for everything, this comment made my night.
<3
I’m no help on a lot of this but on the bangs/fringe, my answer is Bumble and Bumble curl conditioner. Not the styling crème, but the conditioner itself. I use it as a leave in conditioner/styling product. It helps to defrizz and hold the shape of the curl, without feeling crunchy or weird. My partner's hairdresser has also recommended Authentic Beauty's curl products (in the baby blue packaging), which I also like.
Even in the apocalypse, our curls can look good! 💕
amazing, thank you Clare!! your curls always look great so I trust you.
That's so nice! Thank you Erin 💕
6-8 and 20-24: SAME. Thanks for saying it all out loud. <3<3
6-8!! what do we doooo ugh
What's making me feel good is the "strange invisible perfume" of spring that floats in the air here in my corner of Tokyo. It seems to put feelings of fear to sleep.
Erin you are the most delightful tender bold soul out there. You are amazing. As you know – I am scared of sharing my writing but you give me courage!!!!!
thank you so so so much for this Maddie <3 I can't wait for Fluvial Friend!
Fellow sub-stacker Frank Tarczynski has put out a post called Model Sentences. The post on 03/31 reviewing sentences by Gabriel Garcia Marquez helped me come up with the sentence below.
"Fear is often the first step of courage."
We can't be courageous without fear. We can't go beyond ourselves without risking it all. Just doesn't work.
I jumped out of an airplane once, it was one of my most terrifying experiences, made worse by the type of plane used. It was a little Cessna. I had to climb out onto a little step above the wheel, hanging on to the brace holding up the wing, let my feet dangle over 5,000 feet of empty space, then let go.
The life lesson I learned was that at some point, I just have to let go and see what happens, hopefully I won't die or even worse experience pain.
https://franktarczynski.substack.com/p/model-sentences-from-gabriel-garcia
I know this is not helpful at all and I feel cruel for even typing this, but I bawled my eyes out at the last episode of Dying for Sex... It's one of those shows I wish I could watch for the first time all over again 😭
As for me, I'm mostly scared of not knowing where I'm going to live after June. I'm scared if I go back to Canada after almost 9 years away I'll just end up a depressed sack of meat. I'm also scared if I don't go home my family is going to die before I truly get to know them and allow them to know me as I am today. I'm scared for my dog to be in cargo for the whole journey back to Canada if I do go and it makes me feel shitty for even considering it, but what other option do I have? because there's no way I'd leave her behind. I'm scared to let go of my life in Thailand because it's the longest I've ever stayed somewhere in my adult life and who even am I anywhere else? Gah, apparently that opened up some portal to all my current fears so thank you and f-you at the same time 🤣
I DID IT I watched the last episode and oh my gooddddd I cried and cried the entire episode. it was incredible. what a show. wow.
you are on the precipice of something really big, and I don't blame you for being scared. after moving across the country from my family in my mid-20s, I have been putting off moving back for years now. I feel pulled to do it, but incredibly scared to do it, too, both for the reasons you named. sometimes when I am gearing up to make a huge life decision and i'm full of fear, I ask myself which option most opens me most to growth. idk if that's helpful at all, but I have a feeling you'll find the right questions to guide you.
It was SO good!!
Thank you for what you said about my situation, Erin. I appreciate your perspective and sharing your own experience with moving away from home. It's such a strange feeling. I like the part about asking "which option most opens me to growth." I'm going to sit with that one.
Everyone has fears... it's part of being human. I know you know that.
Forgive me but I laughed when I read your comment about the mismatch between how you see yourself in your head and how you appear in the mirror. I laughed because I write about aging in my newsletter going out May 1st, and part of it has to do with the disconnect between me in my head and me in the mirror. Only in my case, I'm turning 65 on May 5th, and I'm telling you, shit is getting real.
In my *mind* I'm still 42, which probably sounds old to you. But from my vantage point it's the perfect age (or was, I guess) where I was still young but less fucked up than in younger years. I think of myself as 42, and when I look in the mirror it's a rude shock.
Yes, 42 is young. And you're even younger. So just know that you're as young as you'll ever be, and you're beautiful.
BA! I'm so tickled that I made you laugh. the disconnect is real! I think so many of us are dealing with that "rude shock" (that made me laugh) no matter the phase of life. it's truly wild. something I like to think about is how when people experience us, they're not just looking at a still image of us or how we look posed in the mirror. they're experiencing our whole being in space, the way our hands move when we talk, the shine in our eyes, the sound of our laugh, the ease in our shoulders, the energy we exude. it feels like a nice reminder that the way we look is such a small part of who we are :)
That's very true... I think about that too. Lately I've been freaking out about my neck (among other things... I mean, my face is basically melting off my skull). I was at exercise with a bunch of women: some my age, some older. I looked at each of them in turn and specifically at their necks, haha. They all had shit going on with their necks, but I had to admit that I had NEVER NOTICED. Because as you say, people are animated and when you're talking to them, you're not thinking about their quote-unquote imperfections. I hadn't thought about that with any of them at all.
Let me tell you, you probably will hate lifting weights but do it anyway. I started last year, when I was 46 & having my third midlife crisis. I do it three times a week & whinge every single time. I always say “I’m going to do my stupid workout” to whatever family member is around just so they know I hate it but do it anyway because it’s good for older me. Sometimes we have to do things we are scared of so our future selves don’t have to be scared.
I am scared I am a bad parent because I have no patience & frequently get frustrated by my neurodiverse children even though I know they can’t be any other way. You’d think after 4 kids & 25 years of parenting I’d know what I’m doing & not be scared any more but I don’t & I am.
I’m scared I’ll never really like or accept my body. It’s tiring wishing something was different.
so true about doing things for our future selves, even when they kinda suck! i'm curious if you feel like there are any benefits for your present self?
thank you so much for sharing your fears, it makes me feel so much less alone. I am honestly blown away that people would be so honest here. I just want to say that it's okay to be impatient. it doesn't make you a bad person or bad parent. this is a quality many, many people have, especially parents! there is so much data that the repair is more important than getting it right all the time, and i'm sure your kids know you love them. and wishing something was different, especially our bodies... it's so fucking tiring. i'm with you.
Lifting weights—I’m glad you asked, because I wanted to tell you what’s working so well for me but didn’t want to offer unasked for advice! Casey Johnston’s Liftoff program (from an ebook you can purchase from your website). What I love about it is it’s pretty minimalist. Like the minimal amount of lifting you need for effective progressive lift training. 3 days a week, 30 minutes max, and after her 12 week program I’ve noticed a massive difference in my strength and stamina in every day life. I was very deconditioned this winter from so much sickness (and parenting pressure/stress, and being older than I used to be) and just going for walks felt exhausting. A minimal weightlifting routine gradually added to my energy bank without exhausting me, which is exactly what I was looking for.
i've heard wonderful things about the liftoff program! what is most exciting about what you said is that you've been able to restore your energy bank without exhausting yourself - this is deeply appealing to me and increasingly feels like something worth trying, especially as I explore ways of being less fatigued. thank you a million times for sharing your experience, and never hesitate to do so, even if I haven't specifically asked! I love hearing from you.
#8, #19 (obvi), #20 & #24 🥺🤝
#20 😭
Interesting post. I think I'll have to make my own list. I must say, the list changes each decade in a freeing sort of way. Your No. 1 is nonsense, 10 and 13 made me laugh and 12 isn't going to happen! 💕
I am scared of mildly inconveniencing another human being by simply existing as myself. And of the people I love dying. And that landing a full time job after two years of applying will trade my mental well being for the prospects of financial stability and health insurance but leave me desiring more for my life.
What's making me lift weights is knowing if I don't, I may never get back to competitive running in a full and healthy way, and then I'll never get to find out how fast I can be while I'm in my prime, and living with that regret for the rest of my life.
!!! more later ❤️❤️❤️