mantras for receiving attention when you're a squirrely girly

I know some of you don't like when women refer to other women as "girls" but "squirrely woman" sounded stupid

A couple weeks ago I published an essay titled “i’m doing this for attention,” in which I argue how natural and nourishing and liberating it is to desire (and receive!) loving attention.

All you sweet lil attention whores loved it, and I love you for serving up all the attention my greedy heart could handle. A kiss on the mouth for each of you. Bless.

What I didn’t get a chance to include in that essay is this: the big irony in finally surrounding myself with super loving, attentive people is that, actually, I suck balls am not so good at receiving it. Eye contact, curious questions, keen observations, sincere praise… Just writing that list makes me feel squirrely. Like, I want to be perceived and known and loved but that shit is scary! I am scared! Literally stop giving me attention I was just kidding when I said I wanted it ha ha no really stop or don’t stop actually but maybe look away or make a sarcastic remark while you do it so I don’t have to feel the full weight of your sincerity which yes I am allergic to how could you tell!!

Basically, I am realizing that craving someone’s focus, presence, and attention means I have to do some work on my side of the street.

So today, I want to offer a few mantras for anyone who, like me, has embraced their desire for attention but is still learning the nuances of receiving loving attention (scary!) and of self-soothing when loving attention is not available¹ (vomit!).

Calming mantras for receiving loving attention:

• Loving attention is essential to all humans, and it is safe to desire, request, and receive.

• Loving attention is a gift, and I am worthy of receiving it.

• Loving attention is an invitation into the present moment, and I can use it to bring my attention back to my self, my body, and to the person granting me this loving attention.

• Loving attention is freely given, and I can receive it without guilt of not being enough or fear of being a burden.

• The primary desire of anyone bestowing true loving attention upon me is for me to fully accept and receive it. I do not have to perform my thanks or immediately reciprocate.

Reassuring mantras for lack of loving attention:

• Lack of loving attention is not a threat to me. I am not getting abandoned.

• Lack of loving attention does not mean I am forgotten. I am in my loved ones’ hearts even when they are focused on other things.

• Lack of loving attention can be uncomfortable, but I am still safe. I am my own keeper, and I can give myself the attention I need in this moment.

• Lack of loving attention is necessary and normal. We all have a lot to accomplish in this life, and our lives can not and should not revolve around any one person.

• Lack of loving attention is restorative. It is healthy to step away from thinking about / focusing on one another so we can come back refreshed, centered, and present.

CRIERS TO THE COMMENTS 👇🏻

do you have a reminder or mantra that helps you open yourself to loving attention? or one that helps you self soothe when you aren’t receiving the loving attention you’re craving? I would love to keep adding to my list!

🖤 liking, sharing, or commenting on this post helps me reach more criers. thank you for these small but crucial acts of support.

1. The assumption behind the “Reassuring mantras for lack of loving attention” is that the lack of loving attention is occasional and benign — a byproduct of busy humans in the modern world. Any lack of attention that is intended to hurt, isolate, distance, punish, or neglect is abuse. That is not what I’m referencing here.